Are you letting the daily grind put a damper on
your love life? Time for a refresher course! Valentine’s Day has become so
laden with traditions, expectations, and marketing mania that it’s easy to slip
into thought patterns like: “I have to …”, “To heck with it, I’m NOT going to
…”, “He’d better do …” and/or “What on earth am I going to do?” All of which
create angst and effort and resentment and, often, disappointment; the
antithesis of what Valentine’s Day is all about … love! On this holiday, you
should be focused on celebrating and appreciating your love for each other.
Here are 7 quick attitude adjustments that can help bring your Valentine’s Day
experience back around to a true celebration of love, meanwhile adding some
high-octane fuel to the intimacy, passion and play in your relationship!
1. It’s
All About Them: What are you going to do to express your love for your partner?
Somewhere along the way it seems that Valentine’s Day devolved into an
expectation that men express their love to their woman, but not the other way
around. It’s a two-way street, people, use it!
2. Traditionally Creative:
Forget the chocolates and flowers. Or include the chocolates and flowers, but
get creative about how you go about it. How about a gift of flowers once a
month for a year, or a pot of paint-on body chocolate, or chocolate flowers, or
rose-infused chocolates or flourless chocolate cake!
3. Give Now, Receive
Later: Doing all and everything that you’d like to do on Valentine’s Day, with
all its hype and materiality, can be an expensive (and crowded) proposition. Why
not give on Valentine’s Day and plan to receive later?
4. What’s Their Love
Language? Do you know your partner’s primary love language? Gary Chapman’s five
Love Languages (Touch, Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality Time and Words of
Affirmation) are worth looking up. Showering her with gifts may be nowhere near
as impactful as gifting her with a day away from all household
responsibilities. Showering him with gifts may be nowhere near as impactful as
gifting him with a long, slow massage. Not that you want to necessarily exclude
the gifts, or the time together, or the appreciations but, do a little research
and create the most impactful expression possible.
5. Agreements Can Be Sexy:
Some of the angst around Valentine’s Day arises from not having jointly understood
expectations; particularly around money, and all the various hang-ups and
triggers we all have on this topic. If you spend way more on me than I do on
you, am I going to feel special or stingy or inadequate? Are you going to feel
superior, unloved or embarrassed? And of course there are at least 15 more
possibilities of how either of us could feel but it all muddies the water of
your attempts to express your love. Think about creating some agreements with
your partner about how much (or min-max limits) you will each spend. It will
allow each of you to relax and focus on how you really want to express. And
“relaxed and happy” are a big part of feeling sexy!
6.Valentine Was A Saint —
You Don’t Have To Be: Saints always get it right, change the world, glide above
it all, ooze love from every pore … or something like that! Take a chance, try
something different, express in uncomfortable ways (like speaking your detailed
appreciation of your partner in a public setting …), risk doing it “wrong”. Be
willing to laugh. Oh, and do ooze love from every pore — that’s a good one!
7.
Leave Space to Receive: Plan in place, blinders on, go, go, go. Whoa! Yes, you
want to express your love vehemently, vocally and voraciously. But remember to
leave space to receive as well. Receive what your partner has created for you.
Receive his/her appreciation. Receive in the moment feedback and be willing to
adjust course. Receive your own appreciation for yourself. Source: yourtango.com
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