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10 secrets to building your child’s self-esteem

guardian.ng

May 2, 2020 5:13 AM

PHOTO: ADDitude

Every individual needs a healthy sense of self-esteem to navigate this world. However, figuring out how to instil confidence in a child is not always easy but it is achievable. In this article, you will find 10 secrets that will help you build your child’s self-esteem. They are surprisingly simple and can make a world of difference in the way he or she sees herself, and handles everyday situations.

You Have to Be Generous with Your Affection
In order to feel secure and confident, your child needs to know that he/she has your unconditional love and support. Build that all-important support system through affirmations of your affection. Be clear that your love is not based on his/her success and it will not change as a result of a failure. Your child will then have the confidence to tackle new challenges without worry.

Praise Your Child’s Efforts, Not Accomplishments
When you overly praise your child for accomplishments but ignore the effort made to get there, you are sending the message that the end result is the only thing that matters. Showing children you are proud of them for trying their best places the emphasis where it needs to be: on their efforts.

Always Pay Attention: It seems simple, but taking the time to listen to your child when she speaks lets her know that you are truly interested in her life. Knowing that you value her opinion and are there to support her makes it easier for your child to approach new situations with confidence.

Support Healthy Risks: Every instinct a parent has goes against allowing a child to do something that you are sure will end in failure. However, it is important that you allow your child to make certain decisions on her own and support healthy risks. Knowing that you are there to help him or her get back up and try again gives your child strong self-esteem. This will enable your child to continue taking those risks, which are essential parts of growing up.

Instil Respect for Limits and Boundaries: Part of a strong sense of self-esteem is a feeling of security and support. This usually comes from having a clear understanding of the boundaries and limits within which your child is expected to operate. When your child knows what is and is not expected of her, she is able to confidently navigate acceptable situations more, rather than approach them with trepidation because she’s not sure if they are within the boundaries you have set for her.

Let Your Child Make Mistakes: Failure may not seem like an effective tool for helping your child to build self-esteem, but it is actually quite important to learn from these. This will help your child to build a pool of experiences that he or she can rely on for future decisions. Mistakes breed wisdom, and that knowledge allows your child to be confident when faced with a similar situation in the future.

Avoid Comparisons: Even if you are trying to build your child up by comparing her to another, it is never a good idea to draw comparisons between siblings or those within her peer group. Your child needs to know that she is accepted and loved for who she is, not because she is out-performing another child or in spite of the fact that she is not as “good” as another.

Set Goals Together: When a goal is set and subsequently reached, there is a sense of accomplishment that does more for a person’s self-esteem than any kind words or flattery ever could. The same holds true for children. Helping your child set new goals and supporting her as she reaches them is a powerful confidence booster.

Validate Her Feelings: Failure, mistakes and conflicts are integral experiences when it comes to building up knowledge and learning lessons, but that doesn’t mean that they are not hurtful. Telling your child that she should not be upset because she “only lost a game” or “had a tiny fight with a friend” minimises her feelings, making her wonder if they are appropriate. Validating her feelings by letting her know that you are aware of how she feels and that it is okay to feel that way as long as she learns how to handle similar situations in the future, can turn those negative situations into a learning experience.

Model Confident Behaviour: Your child learns more about how to interact with the world from watching and emulating the adults she loves and trusts than anything else. If you are plagued by low self-esteem and are not confident in your ability to manage things, your child will mimic that behaviour. In order to boost your child’s self-esteem, make sure that you’re working on your own.

Building your child’s self-esteem starts with you. Your child learns more about how to interact with the world from watching and emulating the adults she loves and trusts than anything else.

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Being A Value Added Woman

No sensible man can resist a woman who is beautiful and industrious.

What made a man worked for 7 years for the woman he loved and yet felt like he just worked for 7 days? Value!

My man doesn't respect me, is because you are not a Value- Added-Woman (VAW)

Do you realized that Jacob did not pay Leah's bride price?

They gave him Leah as bonus. Because she had no value. This was why Jacob had no respect for her and her children, hence he set them as first entourage when he was going to meet his angry brother. If you forced yourself on a man, he may never respect you. If he got you cheaply, he will never respect you.

If you are not adding value to his life, he will never respect you.

Even after marriage, Leah was begging and buying the attention of her own husband. Rachael was practically in control of Jacob.

Rachael was a shepherd in the midst of her siblings, a profession meant for men. She was in control of her father's business. This was what glued Jacob to her.

Gen 29:9 Jacob was still talking with them when Rachel arrived with her father’s flock, for she was a shepherd.

How can boys be in the house and a girl (last daughter of the house) be the one to tend her father's flock and family business? Industrious nature!

After Jacob slept with Leah, he still went for Rachael. Sex doesn't keep a man, value does.

Leah had 5 children, Rachael had none, yet Jacob still loved Rachael more than Leah. 

Having children is good but adding value is better. 

Don't ever think you can pin a man down with children. If you like give him a nation, if you are not adding value to his life, he will work away someday.

I'm pleading with our parents not to raise their daughters in a way they will become liabilities to their man. Make your daughter a shepherd before her Jacob arrives. Give her a source of livelihood before marriage. If you want her husband to respect you as Inlaw and value her as a quality wife and real life partner, give her quality character with home training, quality and respectful hand work and education, to ensure a hopeful future for her in her future home. Don't train her merely because of the bride price you want to collect on her. Laban wasted the bride price he took for his daughter. But he lived on the flock kept by his daughter even after she was married out.

This is why many men fall for their ugly hardworking housemaids than their beautiful house wives. We indirectly train our housemaids to be industrious while we train our daughters to be lazy and dependants. Future will tell.

Most importantly gender equality will always kill marriage.

Why divorce was minimal in olden days was because the women believe their men are their supererior, one way or the other.

Until you believe that and be submissive then you will never spend 3years in peace in your man's house . 

Be a Value-Added-Woman and your man will respect you.

Thank you for reading.

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How to Burn Your Body Fat

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How to Get Rid of Varicose Veins Permanently

  

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15 Bad Habits That Will Ruin Any Marriage

These are the habits you need to break in order to save your marriage. This is paramount as marriage is one of the oldest and strongest institution.

For as much envying as we do of other relationships, the truth is—even the most wonderful, "perfect" union can end in divorce.

We've all seen it: Two genuinely great people start off head-over-heels in love, but then somewhere along the way (despite everything looking peachy on the surface) they shock their family and friends with an announcement of their marriage ending.

What happened? They seemed so happy together!

Despite how happily they started off as a couple, the pair was more than likely hiding a continuous cycle of unhappiness within their relationship. After striving to keep all their troubles hidden just below the surface for far too long, they felt that separation was their only option.

This isn't unusual at all. Many couples struggle to maintain "happy relationships," but without the right tools their attempts at doing so can become futile and marriages still fall apart. Luckily we can take note of these unfortunate heartbreaks and heed their warning signs before its too late. Here are 15 bad habits these former couples most likely left unaddressed and slowly but surely eroded the connection between them.

1. Not being on the same page with each other

Often couples lack alignment on the things that matter most, and feel like their own personal goals or feelings are the most important ones to focus on. It is easy to get lost in your own perspective and fail to see your partner's viewpoint on the important things, causing them to feel like they aren't valued.

2. Not meeting each other's needs

Every person has unique needs they hope their partner will fulfill. But sometimes couples fail to speak up about those needs or presume their partner's needs are the same as their own, often leaving their significant other feeling alienated.

3. Letting disconnect become the norm

This is when couples start to say things like, "I love you, but I am no longer 'in love' with you." This should be seen as a call to action, but more often than not couples seem to find this to be a final resting place, whether in divorce or mutual unhappiness.

4. Allowing intimacy to dwindle

The affection, connection, and tenderness you once shared dries up from lack of effort, leaving you as nothing more than mere roommates. Once again this should not be a final resting state or terminal phase of a relationship, but a signal—or check engine light, of sorts—to make some positive changes.

5. Neglecting each other

Blowing each other off, forgetting to follow through on promises, failing to pay attention. Neither of you necessarily meant to make other things more important than your spouse, but you did and the continuation of this behavior can eventually be seen as blatant disrespect for your partner.

6. Harboring resentment for each other

Unspoken or unresolved resentment festers and severely poisons a once healthy relationship. One partner (or even both) can think: You did this to me, and I can't get over it. This type of toxicity and buried tension will only continue to build and eventually require release, often taking the form of explosive arguments.

7. Not dealing with things head on

You know things are off, but it's easier to do nothing about it. You avoid facing the truth or handling the real issues in your marriage but just as with all procrastination, the subject will have to eventually be addressed—only with more complications due to the passing of time.

8. Criticizing each other

Nitpicking and obsessing over your partner's shortcomings (whether out loud or just mentally taking note), eventually results in those faults becoming the only thing you see in your partner. After awhile, complaining and criticizing become a comfortable habit which compromises your willingness to communicate and interact in a compassionate, supportive way. It can also eat away at the intimacy and trust you have built in your relationship, and result in one or both of you feeling too self-conscious to be completely honest and open with one another.

9. Turning your attention (and affection) elsewhere

Whether by having an affair or pouring all of your attention into the kids, you have checked out and sought both attention and affection elsewhere. This can lead to jealousy, feelings of neglect or being undervalued, and the deterioration of emotional security within the relationship.

10. Letting stress control your lives

Life is hectic and many couples accidentally let stress (both big and small) come between them. But once stress takes over and shared togetherness fractures, it can feel incredibly difficult (if not impossible) to get it back.

11. Fighting to win

When you're more focused on being right than on truly connecting, attempts to discuss problem areas within the relationship can often end up making things much, much worse. It inhibits the sense of openness needed for healthy communication and progress that could be made in mending other issues.

12. Neglecting sexual intimacy

When you start to forgo sex, your intimacy and resulting connection is going to start to drift apart. It is important to see this aspect of your relationship as just as much of a priority as any other, and really put in the effort to make a positive change. Even if there is a sense of disinterest or apathy, effort can take the form of scheduling sex or giving maintenance sex a try.

13. Lying about financial issues

While even the closest couples can find it difficult to talk about money, it's important to make an attempt to keep an open dialogue—because money is the number one cause of relationship stress. If your partner is irresponsible or deceitful about money, it can feel overwhelming and hurtful, because it’s a huge breach of trust in the same way that an infidelity would be.

14. Losing respect for each other

The minute eye rolls start to enter into the relationship, respect has gone out the window. Like Kristen Bell once said, “You might as well break up right then because it’s contempt.” Its important to always make an effort to understand your partner's perspective and respect their right to a different point of view, even if their opinions don't match your own.

15. Introducing ultimatums into the relationship

If your partner starts saying things like, "It's me or your best friend/parents/sister, etc.," you've entered into a stage of the relationship you may not be able to come back from. The subject does not always have to be another person, in many situations it can even be a career or habitual pattern.

The longer the above issues remain unresolved in ANY marriage, the more these habits intertwine, intensify, and steadily reduce the flow of love and connection in your life. Each day, love dwindles and stress builds until even formerly happy couples reach their breaking point.

So what can you do when your happy marriage feels miserable (and seems hopelessly lost)?

Find a little perspective: Focus on why you fell in love with your partner and what you want your life as a couple to become. Even better, tell your partner this without any expectations of them doing the same.

Be brave enough to go first: Be willing to apologize to your partner first instead of waiting for them to make the first move.

Start to repair the damage: Apologize for your part in any misunderstanding. Don't defend why you did or didn't do this or that. Offer a simple, heartfelt apology without expecting one from them. This can work wonders.

Stop waging war: Stop doing anything that's causing harm to your partner or injures your feeling of connection and intimacy. This might simply mean showing a little more patience, compassion, and kindness.

The happiness and success of any marriage is reflected in the little things you do (and fail to do) for each other. Don't let your marriage fall apart like so many couples do. Make a fresh start, today. Choose to do something that moves you out of the past and imagines a brighter future together. Choose your relationship over the often alluring consistency of inaction.

Welcome to new year of all round success.

Courtesy of Brides

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